Literally, "Jacking Off (like a) Monkey, Bitch!" Syndrome. First depicted on the youtube
video 'Divine Powers" by Makemebad35
, aka Damian
; caused, as can be inferred, by jacking off
so often and/or vigorously that you develop arthritis-type symptoms, usually in the arms and hands, causing you to fail at eating Frosted Flakes
. Can only be cured by a clearly insane man pretending to be a "faith healer" slamming the affected wrists onto a table and yelling religious outbursts directed towards the "possessed" appendages.